Gone with the wind

 

Hello everyone 

I have always wanted to use this platform to allow my voice to be heard and to use my voice for something important. The idea was to always be honest and to share my experiences with my readers. So for this post which is very close to my heart I wanted to blog about self image. 

I have been exploring this topic quite a bit lately, what it means, how it is interlinked to identity, how confidence and body image all feature in the greater picture. I have been feeding off the posts of some of my favorite bloggers/vloggers, in particular Freddie Harrel. I absolutely love her and how authentically true she is to herself. I recently watched a video she posted up and something she said really stood out to me. She said that before she is black, or a woman, she is Freddie first. 

 

This statement has had me thinking quite a bit about all the boxes we place ourselves in, boxes such as race, culture, gender, religion or even profession. These boxes are safe, they provide us with some form of guidance on how we should be and how we should act. These boxes help us to define what "normal" is in our individual lives. These boxes shape how we see the world and ultimately how the world sees us.

It's made me think about how authentic I am being to myself and to the world when I am in typical lawyer mode or when I am being ultra feminine or even when I reject certain African cultural traditions because they don't necessarily fit in with my acquired western thinking. 

 

 

Don't get me wrong I totally get that being black, being a woman, even being an attorney has shaped who I am as "Belinda". I am not discounting these things at all. I do however have a problem when the world cherry picks how or who we should be based on the "boxes". Comments like "as a black person you must" or "as a woman you have to" or my personal favorite "as a Christian you can't" are a sure fire way to bring out the worst behavior in me. I am not any of those things in isolation, the sum of those parts make me whole. 

Another box I have a personal struggle with is that of the perfect body. I often get flack about my posts on the blog or on Instagram about me always putting my ass on display or that I have too many bikini pictures etc. I laugh inside and ask myself if only those people knew how many years it has taken me to get to a place where I am comfortable enough to show off my curves or not want to shrivel up and die at just the mere thought of wearing any type of swimsuit in public. 

 

As women so many of us have attended the Master Class on how to loathe our bodies and nitpick at all the things that we wish we could change. We have been masterfully trained to envy and worship "perfection" on others as well as shame those who don't meet our concept of body beautiful. Don't even get me started on the light skin dark skin thing. I just refuse to go there. 

When I think about self image, specifically in the context of race, gender, ethnicity, complexion, dress size, etc, I find that those things are all external yet have such a deep profound impact on us internally. I had a friend who once told me that she loved her curves but wished she was a bit lighter as that would make her feel more confident. Those words still haunt me until this day because in my eyes she is absolutely gorgeous the way she is. During the course of that conversation a selfish part of me questioned what she thought about me and my looks because I too am dark and curvy as well.

 

I find myself thinking as women why do so many of us shy away from allowing our confidence to come from our intelligence, our creative sides or purely our curiosity about the world? Why does our self confidence stem so much from our physical traits? Or on things with set rules like culture, religion or profession? Like Sway I don't have all the answers man! 

I do however think it's all a mental thing and unclogging the clutter of who are told we are or can be is a long process, that is of course if you want to clear the clutter. One of my favorite people to follow on Instagram is model Denise Bidot. Besides the fact that she is so beautiful and so confident, I love the fact that she has used her platform to start a movement called #Thereisnowrongwaytobeawoman (Those of you who actually read my posts on Instagram might have seen me use the hashtag). I'm so passionate about what she is doing for self image and how even if it's only one person i.e. Me, starting a change. For those curious check out @freddieharrel and @Denisebidot on Instagram.

 

I could literally go on about this forever but I kind of have to talk about this look as well right. It's been pretty chilly in Joburg lately so I was not about to slip into crop tops or dresses with mile high slits, no ma'am! It didn't help that this was a particularly windy day, made for some fun shots but I was freezing. I went a bit wild with the Winter Sales and this look was the result.

 

Deets on the outfit are as follows:

Shirt dress  -  Goldie London (Superbalist)

Leggings  -  Cotton On

Shoes  -  Forever New

Neckpiece  -  Big Blue

Leather Jacket  -  JHB CBD missions lol! 

Earrings  -  Mr Price 

 

 

In closing for anyone who has felt something positive stir within themselves from my musings on self image, don't be afraid to color in outside of the lines.

Xoxo

 

This Is A Man's World

 

Hello party people 

I had such an awesome response to my birthday post, thank you all for taking the time to read my musings, sharing the link to my post and for your touching comments. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't help but climb into my feelings, in a good way of course. My birthday was awesome I got spoiled rotten by family and friends and I enjoyed an awesome, much needed break in Zanzibar. I promise to not dedicate anymore blog posts to me turning 30, it’s a wrap!  

 

Post all the birthday merrymaking, I have been struggling with a down swing in terms of my general mood due to some personal issues but c’estla vie. I have also been really troubled by all the things happening in the world lately with all the terror attacks, the police killings in the U.S. even Brexit has got me feeling some type of way. 

 

It’s hard not to get caught up in this cloud of doom and gloom. I also suffer from the affliction of over-thinking so my thoughts on all of these tragic events have been a song and dance of mental torment. In as much as behind the scenes for this shoot I was laughing and cracking jokes you can see exactly where my overall headspace was simply by looking at the expression on my face.

 

It got me thinking about just how powerful our thoughts can be. Our moods can literally be determined by our thoughts at any given moment. I know that was a very Kardashian-like thing to say, please forgive me. In all seriousness the way life works is that there will always be heart-wrenching stories in the news, things people do or say, with or without intent, may hurt you, often times things won’t go according to plan in spite of your best efforts.  Without sounding completely pessimistic, these are the facts of life. How we choose to look at these dark chapters in life makes all the difference. 

 

What would life be like if we looked at life’s challenges with an open heart? Without fear? What if we looked at hardships as pathways to growth? What if we looked at the things that hurt as lessons? What if we could take our hurts, acknowledge them and just move on without any remnants lingering behind us? What if forgiveness was a once off choice and not something you have to consciously ascribe to as frequently as circumstance requires you to? 

 

I want to be at that place where all of the above is like breathing, something you do naturally, without thinking. I'm working on a mindset shift, taking it a day at a time. I probably should have warned you that this was one of those posts 😁. Things that have been of great help are journaling, I always underestimate just how freeing it is to put down your thoughts on to paper. On the days when I can get my lazy bum out of bed and make it to those early morning yoga classes I have the best days where my mind is focused and clear. I also started a gratitude jar where at the end of each day I write down the things that I am grateful for that day. Depending on the time of day a good cup of tea or a tall, wide, full to the brim glass of wine has saved me from taking up residence at Breakdown Central! I hope this inspires someone out there who may be struggling through life's ups and downs, know that you are not a hopeless case and the sun will come out and shine again. Please share with me what your methods or tools are for soothing an aching heart in the comments section or on Instagram.

 

Anyway back to the outfit. For this post I wanted to go for a menswear inspired look, but with a sultry feel to it. I swear I must be the only nutcase in Johannesburg willing to wear a crop top in the middle of July (Winter time in Southern Hemisphere) but I was committed to this look, that’s got to count for something, right? When I saw this top it was love at first sight, I loved how delicate it was. I'll confess I was trying to invoke my inner Rihanna in her “Kiss it better” music video sans black and white visuals and walking around bare-chested. I love the song, I love the video and I love her!

 

The details of the outfit are as follows:

Jacket  -  H&M

Top  -  Zara

Pants  -  Edgar's  

Shoes  -  Schutz

Earrings  -  Lovisa   

 

Thank you all so much for your continued support! 

Xoxo

 

  

 

 

 

A girl has turned 30

 

I have spent weeks planning this post and trying to figure out how best put into words and pictures this particular chapter of my life. In a way this cycle of the blog is quickly becoming a time capsule for me and I wanted this post in particular to be very personal and to give my readers, well those of you who actually still read blogs, a little insight into where I am at in life.

 

So here goes, it may be a long read. Today I turn 30 and like I said in my previous post, this number used to terrify me because there are certain pressures that society places on us women of a certain age. Pressure to get married and have a family and if you aren't doing that then you should be climbing the corporate ladder or building an empire. I have felt that pressure and sometimes in the back of my mind there is this voice that whispers in my ear "have you done enough?" or "are you truly living?" or "are the choices you are making authentically you?" To be 100% honest I want all those things and I roll my eyes at anyone who says "it will happen in its own time"!

When I do manage to shake myself free from society's shackles and I truly introspect, I always catch myself for being so hard on myself and for not being appreciative of all that I have. As I said in my previous post the overarching feeling I have lately is that of gratitude. For one, growing older is a privilege not a curse and no that's not just me trying to make myself feel better. Every day we have is such an incredible gift, how many of us take the time to acknowledge this as we go about our day to day activities? 

 

I am also grateful for the people in my life from family to friends to colleagues to neighbors. I'm grateful to all those who see me at my absolute worst and still choose to love me, Lord knows I'm not easy to love. I'm even grateful for heartbreak, disappointment and loss because from that came growth, strength and wisdom. In those tough moments in life it's hard to see the positives but I have learned that once I have figured out what that lesson was in that storm, to cherish it.

 

If I'm being honest I am quite happy to say goodbye to my twenties and I am not attached to the number. Maybe ask me this same question when I turn 35! But seriously my twenties represent a time of coming of age. Everything was confusing. I made a lot of mistakes, broke hearts, had my own broken, drove my parents crazy, failed at so many things, lost friends, made new ones, fell on my face and ass, literally! I also allowed myself to be heavily influenced by everyone, so much so that I couldn't even recognize my own voice. I know I'm painting a very bleak picture of my life thus far, I promise it really hasn't all been gloom and doom. My twenties also embody finding independence, success, love, that laugh until you cry kind of laughter, traveling to some awesome places, perseverance and plenty of amazing memories. 

 

I find myself realizing more and more that all of those things where absolutely necessary in order for me to be at the place I'm at now. I am exactly where I'm meant to be at this point in my life. I feel like I can finally forgive myself for the bad choices I made and that I can finally celebrate the woman I have grown into.

 

There are a few things I want to take with me into my thirties and beyond that I would like to share with you. It will be a journey we go on together.

1. Everything has its own time and place, your patience will always be rewarded;
2. Know when to walk away from the table when love is no longer being served;
3. Know your worth and invest in yourself;
4. Never ever let anyone try to dim your light, nothing good comes from you playing small or diminishing yourself so that others won't feel insecure around you;
5. In everything have a thankful, appreciative heart; and
6. Anyone who plays you actually plays themselves, likewise if you are the one playing foolish games! 

I know it got a bit ratchet at the end but no truer words have ever been said! I don't know what the future holds for me but I truly hope that life will bless with me with more and more reasons to smile and laugh with fewer tears. I'm truly grateful for the past and excited about what lies ahead.

 

 

I was channeling my inner Solange Knowles for this look because she is a fellow Gemini and everything she does is awesome, unique and all her, no gimmicks. This sequined dress is a labour of love and a lot of altering had to happen for it to look like this. The fruits of being a short, curvy, thick-legged girl! My tailor did an amazing job and I literally want to wear this dress to everything, so when you see me in it for the tenth time act like you know! 

 

I also just have to put it out there that these shoes were "Lemonade" inspired, loved the color and I just thought they would be so much fun to wear. Special shout out to my glam squad, well squad in the making who beat this face to capacity!!! And another special shout out to my hair for cooperating with me!!! 

Outfit details below:

Dress - Lavish Alice (Superbalist)

Shoes - Steve Madden

Earrings - H&M

Xoxo